Day #1 of The Biggest Loser Motivation

I finished watching the Biggest Loser Season 8 finale today! I truly hope this show never ends and becomes a part of my life until the day I die! I watched as Rebbecca came on stage and looked stick thin compared to the near 300 lbs she was when starting the show. Wow!

For those of you who don't know, I used to be obese. That is a hard thing to say and I don't generally tell everyone. In fact, I'm so ashamed of it that not only did I throw out every picture I owned of me and only pray that everyone else in my family did the same that I can barely even tell my best friend (my hubby) about it. To make it worse, Jeff has a fat-phobia which makes it really difficult to even confide in him my own insecurities or continue living in this body.

In 2007 I was at my lowest weight ever since high school. I shed 100 lbs to be at 154. I'm 5'9" so the average weight of the 120lb girl is never going to happen for me. I was about 10 lbs from making the all time goal of making the weight on my driver's licence actually be true. I then dated someone and became miserable gaining nearly 15 lbs and hating my life. When I finally let go of him and met the man of my dreams I began dropping the weight and married him at 157lbs on our wedding day. Three lbs from getting back to my lowest yet which I kept at for nearly a year.

While living in Texas I didn't go the gym yet and my marathon running stopped. I hadn't run in over a year at least not for weeks in a row. It took a toll on me and I fluctuated weight again up and down 6 or 7 lbs. Then I moved back to Utah and I just let myself go. Why? I'm not really sure. It was like I just got sick of having to fight the battle and I couldn't get myself back on the routine of the gym. I don't know why it was so hard.

I had officially gained 20 lbs from my wedding day and my jeans barely fit now. Its so depressing not to want to put clothes on again and to not want your husband to touch you and wondering what he is thinking about you when you are intimate.

It has to be the second scariest thing I have ever gone through. When you are single its one thing. No one to worry about but yourself and getting back to a weight so that you can entice the men to want to date you again. So here I am, having gone on and off the south beach and only gone to the gym for 2 weeks straight before falling off the wagon again. I need a serious kick in the butt. My friend Mary decided to team up as my work out partner although we can't get the gym at the same time and I needed it but still I missed the gym for the whole first week! I was so depressed! I just couldn't get out of bed in the morning. Routine has left my life.

And then today happened. The finale of the Biggest Loser. I tore myself up off the couch and got my butt to the gym. I did my circuit training not only increasing my weights by my normal 5-10 lbs but doing each repetition until I couldn't hold the weights anymore. My heart was pounding more than ever before when I have lifted weights. I remember some of the contestants stating things like they used to make excuses and I was doing the same thing. It kept me going. Then I marched up to the treadmill. I hadn't run since the Halloween Half Marathon because I injured my knee so bad (not an excuse, I really did). Today was it. I got on and was off to the first mile. It felt so good!! I loved every minute of it.

So today I started my own goal and I am going to blog every day until my goal is completed. Partly to make myself accountable to something and to make sure that I keep myself on track.

Goal: Lose 25lbs by February 6th (My 27th Birthday)
Goal Weight: 154
Days Left: 53
Lbs to go: 25
Lbs Lost: 0
Current Weight:179