Biggest Loser Motivation Day #17

Goal Weight: 154lbs
Days Left: 80
Lbs Lost: +1.4
Lbs to Go: 26.6
Current Weight: 180.4

So my sister-in-law now is going to be reading this blog! Oh crap! One more person to find out that I'm gaining and not losing weight. Well if thats not a motivator I dont' know what will be. But has it worked for me. No! I'm still into my same old lazy fatness routine! What is wrong with me and why can't I just get my butt back into gear. I just looked back through my calendar of 2009 which I'm sad to report but only had 62 stickers for the whole year!!! (Stickers represent days I went to the gym) And to make it worse 17 of those stickers were from the month of October when I was training for the Halloween Half Marthon.


The year 2008 for the first half of it before I met Jeff had a sticker almost 5 days a week!!! Thats 120 stickers for just the first 6 months!! Do you know what this means??? It means I suck at maintaining gym time when I get into relationships or rather get married! Suddenly my whole existence becomes about wanting to be with them instead of making them want to be with me by looking good! What is wrong with us females? To put it properly I will quote Gerard Butler (whom I'm in love with) from 'The Ugly Truth' and he stated, "If you want the man to like you, get on a treadmill!" or something like that!

Okay someone please get my butt on a treadmill! I am going to the gym tomorrow or my butt is SOL!

Biggest Loser Motivation Day #16

Goal Weight: 154lbs

Days Left: 80

Lbs Lost: +1.4

Lbs to Go: 26.6

Current Weight: 180.4

Just happened to be stuck back at this weight the last few days. I don't know why I can't re-motivate myself a little more to keep this weight off. It seems like I did much better when I was single and had these goals to look better by the time I had my next date. The holidays have been great and I love spending all this time with Jeff. I have been working on some recipes from the three cook books I got and they have been tasting great. Not so great for dieting but I love it! I'm feeling like an actual chef. Now if I can just get a "light" cookbook I think I'll be in business!

Biggest Loser Motivation Day #15

Goal Weight: 154lbs
Days Left: 81
Lbs Lost: +1.4
Lbs To Go: 26.4
Current Weight: 180.4





I have failed in blogging the last few days. It seems like with the holidays I haven't found a whole lot of time for my blog. Not a whole lot has differed however the countdown to my start of dieting has started. I begin next week with the South Beach diet and can't wait (partially). I know the diet will help me get off this weight but I hate being restricted. It has to be done! Looking at my Christmas photos I look so heavy it makes it breaks my heart and I can't keep going at this weight!

Christmas with the Wilcox's/Meservys

Christmas came for the Wilcox/Meservy family 2 days after the official Christmas. And of course we start off opening gifts with just the look of Charles' hat. How exciting! I bought Mom the dvd Julie and Julia as she has been talking about it for a while. So this was a classic picture. Too bad with the glasses on the bridge of her nose, it makes her look more grandmaish.. (sorry Mom).

Ron's gift was hilarious. From Theo Mann (the old man). It was a coupon book of cash. Too cute!

Denise has started a new tradition for us. An ornament every year and we love it!!!

Mom accidentally gave Jeff his controller to Charles.. Whoops! Of course Charles responded that he would give it to Jeff with a Merry Christmas.. Ha ha!

I made a calendar for Mom with photos of all of us. She loved it!

Jeni gave Mom and Ron gift cards to use at Southwest Airlines so they can come visit her.

It was a good Christmas. We played a game Denise gave the family called Pandemic where we work as a team. The point, if Charles' doesn't win no one does so we couldn't possibly be losers ever right? Wrong! We lost 2/3 times!

Christmas of 2009

Christmas this year was spent with the Hawkins as Thanksgiving was at the Wilcox's/Meservy's.
Jeff and I decided to open our gifts to each other on Christmas Eve so that we could get up early and head down to Provo to open gifts at his parent's house.

We attempted a family photo here. The dogs are sure trying to get away. :)

Jeff sure surprised me buying me a beautiful watch and matching necklace and ring! I loved it so much! Thanks sweetie!

Of course Jeff thought he was only going to get Modern Warfare II for Christmas but I surprised him with 3 other games!

Katie couldn't get away from Gavin and his toys to even open her gift. Chrissy sure loved her
Itunes gift card from us.

Mom Hawkins expression here is priceless and classic. We put together a calendar with photos of
the family and she sure loved it! I'm glad it turned out okay! Too bad I didn't have very many pictures of Marcus to put in there.

Rockband was a hit with Jeff and the rest of the family. Sure glad he had a chance to play with everyone!

After opening gifts we went a few blocks north to a park and went sledding. A few attempts of snowboarding happened but it was more ice than snow!

I love how pretty the mountains are! I sure missed them last Christmas!

Goal Weight: 154lbs

Days Left:77

Lbs Lost: +0.6

Lbs to Go: 25.4

Current Weight: 179.6

I really think that my scale has begun listening to me since I had a nice talking to it. We are slowly getting on the same page. I am glad to see a drop in weight to bring me back into the 170s. I never in my life though I would ever be happy to say that I am happy to be in the 170s.. Isn't that a ridiculous statement! I mean really!!!

Oh the joy of seeing #'s drop on a scale even when you look in the mirror and feel like you look like you gained an extra 5lbs. Somehow it puts an extra spring in your step that day. So I am feeling really good! I knew that I just needed to live at my in-laws where they make all this good healthy food and I don't have access to all the sweets. What an idea!!

Goal Weight: 154lbs

Days Left: 79

Lbs Lost: +1.4

Lbs to Go: 26.4

Current Weight: 180.4

I love this cartoon. I think that's a good idea. I will just keep standing there until the number changes to. I recall when Jeni was young and said she was going to stay locked in her bedroom until she was pregnant. Too funny!

So today I felt like I did really good eating wise. Didn't really eat too many sweets so I think I should stay over at my in-laws every day so I am not tempted to overeat because when you are in your own house you have it available when ever you please. I must admit though I was forced (because everyone wanted to go there) to eat a burger at 5 guys burger and fries! It was actually an amazing burger and that is saying something because I don't really care for burgers unless they are turkey burgers! So that was my downfall but at least I didn't overeat.

I'm happy I maintained rather than that phase of gaining! I was seriously becoming depressed but I'm glad tomorrow is Christmas and the holidays will be nearly over so I can get my dieting butt in gear. As for my toe that was smashed yesterday. I can walk and seem to be doing fine with it. When I push on my nail however that is another story. I haven't noticed much because I've been wearing those big boots with tons of foot room so we will see next week how I do when I"m at the gym. I truly hope I don't lose a nail over this though. I don't have a medal from a marathon to show for it this time! At least that makes it worth it more.

Merry Christmas everyone! I will blog shortly tomorrow!

Goal Weight: 154 lbs

Days Left: 80

Lbs Lost: +1.4

Lbs to Go: 26.4

Current Weight: 180.4

Not much to report today.. I skipped the gym as we had to go to Jeff's parents house the moment we woke up so I guess the whole week is shot. Oh and not to mention that today we moved our couch and the couch fell on my toe.. seriously bruising it.. Its been hurting me all day. I really hope it gets better and is just a sprain so I can still run and work out at the gym. I don't think its broken so that is good news but boy does it hurt!!!

Goal Weight: 154lbs

Days Left: 81

Lbs Lost: +1.8

Lbs to Go:26.8

Current Weight: 180.8

Well at least I went down again. Not much to report today but I sure had a hard time with not wanting to snack! Skipped the gym to play with our new video game of Super Mario Bros on the Wii with Jeff. I suck!

Goal Weight: 154lbs
Days Left: 82
Lbs Lost: +2.8
Lbs to Go: 27.8
Current Weight: 181.8

So happy today to see the scale go down rather than up. Not down enough but down so I'll take it. Today I went to the gym, not as much cardio as there should have been but I did do it. Its much harder to do during this holiday week while my husband is at home playing our new video games like Super Mario Bros on the wii and I want to play with him.

I seem to want to eat more than he does. I wonder if its because he never eats and I do so my stomach is bigger than his. Ugh! It makes me upset. It was like I couldn't seem to get enough. I didn't do horrible but I wanted to just not eat anything and then I got really tired and that's when I knew that wanting to eat had everything to do with that as opposed to actually being hungry. Oh, the craziness of it all.

Goal Weight: 154lbs

Days Left: 83

Lbs Lost: +3.8

Lbs to Go: 28.8

Current Weight: 182.8

I have officially come to the conclusion that my scale does not understand what it is I'm trying to do here. I had 3 bowel movements yesterday which should clearly indicate I was a little plugged up therefore I should weigh less rather than more. I jumped on the scale after my shower and it said 179 so I jumped off and weighed myself again with a clear and happy smile on my face to be back in the 170's again. But then it said I was 180.8 so I jumped off and it said again 179 so I jumped back on and this time it said for the next three times 182.8. How is this possible! I am supposed to be losing weight not gaining!

Now week 2 of the biggest loser can mean weight gain, not always but can.. however this is my week 1! I'm so humiliated every time I have to put this down. It doesn't make any sense that the moment I declare to the world my weight and how much I want to lose it that I start gaining. I mean for nearly 4 months I have maintained the weight of 172-178 going up and down and all of a sudden I'm more than that! I demand a recount and a new scale because this one clearly does not understand what we are going for here.

Biggest Loser Motivation Day #5

Goal Weight: 154lbs

Days Left: 84

Lbs Lost: +2.6

Lbs to Go: 26.6

Current Weight: 182

Today started out not so great at all and it makes me really upset. I got up this morning early at 6:30am which was good news although it was going to make me late at the gym. I didn't arrive until 7:10am and had to be home around 8am to make it to work by 9:30. So I did my weight lifting first and pushed myself to the limit on all repetitions. It felt so amazingly good to be doing this. I realized how much I missed going to the gym and having a great workout and that accomplishment by doing it. I watched this class work out on the treadmill. The only open one was smack dab in the middle of them. So here I am running at a 6.5mph pace for a mile and they are up and down on their intervals with speed and inclines being yelled at by the trainer to keep it up. And then they would get off and go run around the gym where everyone keeps watching them. I felt myself wanting to be apart of it but of course everyone in that class was perfectly thin and I knew they were much more fit than I was physically.

I only completed 1 mile because it was 8am then and I had to get home. This is when the day became a smack in my face as to what was happening to me. I got home and weight myself on the scale to see weight gain. I knew that my eating those treats was eventually going to take a toll on me but I guess in the back of my head I didn't think it would actually happen. But lo and behold it did and I immediately thought maybe I shouldn't blog this. I placed my head against my arm resting on the wall and fought back tears telling myself I needed to change now and not after the holidays. I had to cut back on the treat snacking and make sure that my gym time was right on schedule. I think I needed this to kick myself in the butt.

I went to work and did well eating an apple and 4 crackers for a snack so that I was eating healthy but still getting the small salt craving I wanted. It worked. I had dinner and came home to eating an orange with only two handfuls of popcorn to curb my sweet cravings. I felt good with that. Dinner was again a Cafe Rio salad which isn't the greatest but I had no rice and extra black beans hoping the fiber would work for me which I must say it did because I have had 3 movements in 24 hours. YAY!! I love going poo! :) If you know me you know this.

So my day wasn't too filled. Horrible day at work. I felt like shooting myself and now I am both mentally and physically exhausted. Heading to bed and praying the scale shows a loss tomorrow morning. Time for my butt to get into gear!

Biggest Loser Motivation Day # 4

** This is not a pic of me***






Goal Weight: 154lbs
Days Left: 85
Lbs Lost: +1.2
Lbs to Go: 26.6
Current Weight: 180.6



I completely forgot to mention that yesterday I was speaking to my 5 month old prego sister who just advised me that although I can't disclose her weight... I weigh MORE than her. That's right folks, I weigh more than my prego sister! Now if that doesn't blow your mind and officially make you want to cry... well it sure made me!!

So this morning I learned that the professional opinions from which I consulted yesterday were wrong in their advice. I should remember to always listen to my husband who told me to take the higher # in the weight difference I received yesterday. I got on the scale this morning and I weighed 180.6 so I guess I should have stuck with the bigger weight since I'm now only 0.2 down from the higher weight yesterday! This is so depressing!

So you would think I would change my diet and officially go on one right??? Well you're wrong.. I think I'm possessed to be in this fat body forever because today while at work I was headed for my first break I went to pick up Jamie on our way to the bathroom and there happened to be a pile of Krispy Creme donuts available for all the world to engulf. Seriously! This is why I don't work that much.. to avoid the junk food that is freely given. So my dear friend Jamie, kept telling me, knowing I'm trying to get this weight off that I should eat it. She advised me that I should let everyone know she forced me so I'm claiming that. Yes I ate it and loved every bite of it! Aren't the holidays so deliciously evil! Its just wrong. PLAIN WRONG!

The rest of the day however I was very good. I had tuna and crackers for a snack which was only 70 crackers. Yay! I did have Cafe Rio Salad for lunch with no rice and took most of the tortilla chips off. So I need to just work on the snacking. Oh and the fact that I missed the gym this morning. Jeff and I didn't go to bed until 1am and then of course Nala wakes me up at 2:50am to take her out and again at 5:50! So did I get sleep, Um no!!! So what did that mean.. yep,, I didn't get up for the gym. You would think that I would since I was already up at 5:50 and I am supposed to get up at 6:10 every morning to make it to the gym by 6:30 but not this lazy A. I officially suck!

Heres to another day! Improvement is what I can hope for right! Oh and the end of the holidays so I can officially go on a real diet!

Biggest Loser Motivation Day # 3

Goal Weight: 154lbs

Days Left: 86

Lbs Lost: 0.8

Lbs to Go: 24.6

Current Weight: 178.6

Today was a much better day! I woke up today for the first night in the last few weeks without having to get up in the middle of the night more than once to let my two dogs go to the bathroom. I felt so much more refreshed! It was wonderful. I got up and left for the gym at 10am. When I got there I still didn't weight lift today because believe it or not I am still soooo sore.

I headed up and eased myself back into running by completing two miles finishing the last 2/10ths of the second mile by running at 9mph. That definitely jump started my heart. I burned 230 calories running and then headed over and burned 170 more on the elliptical. How refreshing to complete 400 but I'm sure that wasn't good enough because my husband reminded me that the oreo cookie I ate today just took my whole 400 calories I burned off. Great! I suck!

When I got home from the gym I weighed myself and to my disappointment it said that I weighed the same yesterday. So much for chalking it up to a non bowel movement or something. Then I got in the shower and of course took my shirt off after I was inside the safe walls of a curtain since Jeff was in the bathroom too. But then he grabbed and moved the curtain back quickly to which I screamed and grabbed what I could to cover myself up! So embarrassing and not something a wife should feel she needs to do in front of her husband. I bet he hates me for it but I'm just trying to save those eyes from being disgusted. Little does he know but he is much better off! :)

When I finished my shower I somehow reluctantly stepped back on the scale and to my amazement it seemed to be going back and forth between #'s for like ever and finally settled on 178.6!!! What?!?! How could this be. Just 40 minutes earlier I was the same weight as yesterday at 180.8. So with much battles and gathering the advice of a few professional opinions (i.e. my mom and sister) I chose to keep the lower number strictly to make me feel more motivated like I've actually done something despite yesterday's horrible diet. Lets just hope tomorrow's numbers are good or at least stay the same.

Jeff and I went to his company's Christmas party down at Boondocks and I horribly ate a cookie and a couple bites of some ice cream and well at least I had veggies somewhere in my meal. But I felt much better when Jeff and I ran around like teenagers playing Laser Tag for the next two hours. I think I had sweated more doing that than when I was at the gym this morning!! Seriously so much fun and I think all gyms should be set up for just such a thing. At least we would all enjoy our workout. I could have played that for another few hours before getting bored. I did get the highest score on one game beating out my video gamer husband! I was really proud! Well I'm exhausted from today and can only hope tomorrow's day goes much better for me.

Wish me luck!

Biggest Loser Motivation Day #2

So today was interesting but first off I realized that I need to change the amount of days I have given myself to take the weight off. Its not too realistic especially with the holidays here. I don't want to eat completely to the point of engorging sweets but I don't want to not enjoy the holiday either. So here is the revised plan. It will be 2lbs a week. Hopefully the gym can get me through this.

So this morning I woke up after the a horrible night's sleep. My two dogs wake me up twice a night to go to the bathroom. If I can't complete a full REM cycle my body can't get rid of the toxins it needs to plus I am so tired the next day. Its like I have a baby that gets up in the night. I don't need the practice. My husband never gets up to take them out so its always my responsibility. So when I woke up at 5:30 in the morning I realized that my arms and chest were beyond sore from yesterday's workout so I decided I would take a break from the weight lifting giving me an extra half hour of sleep.

I woke up and got into my car to head out to the gym. Before I left I realized my husband had my truck with my gym card but no biggie because I would have them look it up with my license.. however when I arrived I realized that I didn't have my headphones with me either and they must have been in the truck. Then I realized that my husband had Breaking Dawn in the car so I could read to keep my mind busy while I did the elliptical for 50 minutes but when I went back to the car I remembered that he brought it in to be used on the pot so I had nothing!!!

I called my mom and told her I would be over soon and would go to the gym after he got home. When I got to Mom's house we went to Costco and she kept making me try all the "fattening" sample foods like croutons and salsa and chips and junk that I didn't really need which would only add to my calorie counting.

Later I realized how tired I was when I got home at 3pm and didn't feel up to the gym and when my husband got home from work we began working on preparing our Sunday School lesson for the 15 year olds we teach and by now it was 7pm and I was giving up on my day at the gym which I shouldn't have because today was not a healthy eating day for me. I ate a cookie at my mom's house and bought these amazing truffles that are only available for the holidays and I had a few.. and by a few I had about 4 which was actually quite impressive for me but this was in no way the day that I should have had.

To top my day off when I got on the scale this morning I had actually gained 1.4lbs. I chalked it up to not having a regular bowel movement the last two days and I was just bloated but that again is probably just an excuse of a lazy, fat person. So now I need to lose more. Granted that in the last few weeks I have fluctuated this weight up and down 4 lbs but it was enough to make me want to cry. I'm writing this blog with my husband on the couch and although he can read it whenever he wants I ask him to close his eyes so he won't look at the new current weight but unfortunately he won't. So he said "I already know how much. Did you gain?" I gave him that 'I've been caught and feel ashamed smile'. He then said, "Candice you are not supposed to weigh as much as me." I about died! He's right but telling your husband how much you weigh is just not a cool thing to do. I somehow regret that part because he is the only one person I care about when it comes to how I look. I know he thinks I'm pretty but its so humiliating. However, I finally realized today that this whole blogging thing is going to be a good thing because I actually think about it the whole day and tell myself all the time that I don't want to admit that on my blog so screwing up like today I don't want to have happen again. Today just sucked!!! It had OPPORTUNITIES to grow everywhere!!! Craziness! HELP!

Goal Weight: 154 lbs by March 13th (13 weeks)

Days Left: 87

Lbs to go: 26.8

Lbs Lost: +1.4

Current Weight: 180.8

Day #1 of The Biggest Loser Motivation

I finished watching the Biggest Loser Season 8 finale today! I truly hope this show never ends and becomes a part of my life until the day I die! I watched as Rebbecca came on stage and looked stick thin compared to the near 300 lbs she was when starting the show. Wow!

For those of you who don't know, I used to be obese. That is a hard thing to say and I don't generally tell everyone. In fact, I'm so ashamed of it that not only did I throw out every picture I owned of me and only pray that everyone else in my family did the same that I can barely even tell my best friend (my hubby) about it. To make it worse, Jeff has a fat-phobia which makes it really difficult to even confide in him my own insecurities or continue living in this body.

In 2007 I was at my lowest weight ever since high school. I shed 100 lbs to be at 154. I'm 5'9" so the average weight of the 120lb girl is never going to happen for me. I was about 10 lbs from making the all time goal of making the weight on my driver's licence actually be true. I then dated someone and became miserable gaining nearly 15 lbs and hating my life. When I finally let go of him and met the man of my dreams I began dropping the weight and married him at 157lbs on our wedding day. Three lbs from getting back to my lowest yet which I kept at for nearly a year.

While living in Texas I didn't go the gym yet and my marathon running stopped. I hadn't run in over a year at least not for weeks in a row. It took a toll on me and I fluctuated weight again up and down 6 or 7 lbs. Then I moved back to Utah and I just let myself go. Why? I'm not really sure. It was like I just got sick of having to fight the battle and I couldn't get myself back on the routine of the gym. I don't know why it was so hard.

I had officially gained 20 lbs from my wedding day and my jeans barely fit now. Its so depressing not to want to put clothes on again and to not want your husband to touch you and wondering what he is thinking about you when you are intimate.

It has to be the second scariest thing I have ever gone through. When you are single its one thing. No one to worry about but yourself and getting back to a weight so that you can entice the men to want to date you again. So here I am, having gone on and off the south beach and only gone to the gym for 2 weeks straight before falling off the wagon again. I need a serious kick in the butt. My friend Mary decided to team up as my work out partner although we can't get the gym at the same time and I needed it but still I missed the gym for the whole first week! I was so depressed! I just couldn't get out of bed in the morning. Routine has left my life.

And then today happened. The finale of the Biggest Loser. I tore myself up off the couch and got my butt to the gym. I did my circuit training not only increasing my weights by my normal 5-10 lbs but doing each repetition until I couldn't hold the weights anymore. My heart was pounding more than ever before when I have lifted weights. I remember some of the contestants stating things like they used to make excuses and I was doing the same thing. It kept me going. Then I marched up to the treadmill. I hadn't run since the Halloween Half Marathon because I injured my knee so bad (not an excuse, I really did). Today was it. I got on and was off to the first mile. It felt so good!! I loved every minute of it.

So today I started my own goal and I am going to blog every day until my goal is completed. Partly to make myself accountable to something and to make sure that I keep myself on track.

Goal: Lose 25lbs by February 6th (My 27th Birthday)
Goal Weight: 154
Days Left: 53
Lbs to go: 25
Lbs Lost: 0
Current Weight:179

Thanksgiving with the Wilcox Family

I'm not sure if its really called the Wilcox family anymore although that is my maiden name considering only 3 people hold that name now. Natalie loves taking photos of herself. I think I have about 7 of the above photo. This happened to be the best one she took because she always looks "high" or totally sleepy in the photos.
This is the best "sleepy high" photo I've seen her take! But aren't they so cute. Grand kid and Grandpa!

Here is the other "sleepy high" photo of Natalie! We really need to work on her smile!

Can I just say this is the best picture I've seen of Denise!! I don't know if its the hair style or what but she looks so cute and so does Natalie!

Go Natalie for interrupting your dad from his 3 day spree of 13 hours or more of playing Modern Warfare 2 and to think he had a seriously red eye for days afterwards from not blinking for so long.

I love that Natalie wouldn't let the boys playing video games keep her from playing with them. This was something she did for nearly a half hour. Climbing on Uncle Jeff seemed to be like the new best playground.

Um Denise, Natalie was busy looking at photos of herself and you seemed to take over. Look at that pouty face.

Keeping Natalie entertained is always a project. Denise bought a gingerbread house for them to construct and Natalie loved it. I think it set her up for the big gingerbread houses we were going to see at the Grand America later that week.

What you don't see is that she kept eating 3 pieces of candy for everyone 1 piece she placed on the house. Did we mention that she walked around the house for the next hour making sure everyone came to see and tell her how pretty her house was.

Next entertainment piece is taking Natalie to the park with the really scarily weird cats that I feel are going to have a seance at midnight and pounce on you! Seriously these cats freak me out!

Watch out Natalie. Don't pull the tail. They could turn on you!

Can't go home without a proper swing.

So we headed to the Grand America to look at the Gingerbread houses but the Wilcox boys decided to sit in the lounge and where they charge $2 a strawberry! Youzas!

Wow! Can you imagine how many hours went into that!

You can't go a holiday or trip without mom talking to some kind of a statue of a person! Now she is caressing Santa!

Natalie loved all of these gingerbread houses especially after she built one yesterday!

This one was so cool as the water wheel actually turns!

Hanging out with Daddy in the lobby! Isn't this cute!

The teddy bear suite was great! Natalie fell in love with this big dog! Maybe she needs a dog!