Barbie Transformation #1

Well ladies here it is... my first transformation into a Barbie doll....So what do you think? I am so in love with the shades and hat. hee hee....

Vanity is such a fun place to work and I love buying all the cheap stuff with my discounts... although we don't have any money so I'm not allowed to spend any more. Jeff jokes about how we don't even own the gas in our cars... ha ha...

We went to see Twilight at the midnight showing. Too many teenagers in the theater for my taste. But if you haven't seen Twilight and have read the book I recommend not seeing it. They kept mostly true to the book which was great but the director was horrible. She didn't do well at capturing the passionate love the two share. It seemed choppy and as though they were trying to hard with Edwards mood swings in the beginning. I was not pleased with it. But it is what it is. Let me know what you guys think.

Warning- Parts of this blog may be PG-17

So I haven't written anything in a while and well thats because I obtained a job as the Assistant Store Manager at a retail clothing store - Vanity. Which by the way I love the job and the clothing and a 40% discount for me is absolutely fabulous! Although I think I'm now paying them to work. Jeff laughs at me because I keep telling him my goal is to become more Barbie doll like... and I'm working on it folks. So I will take pics soon of my new outfits and we will watch my transformation... (Mwhah hah hah hah).

So topic # 1 is a warning to all who read this. This topic is not for those with sensitive ears.

Topic # 1- LOVE YOUR VULVA!!!

I was watching Oprah and the show was all about how women don't know their body very well and how they can achieve satisfaction in the "bedroom" too. So they gave us an anatomy lesson and suprising not many of the audience knew where everything was and even sadder--- I was one of them!!!! Then they gave all the women homework which was to go home and that night practice kissing your significant other and make sure he kisses you because that is the best way to turn a woman on. Homework assignment # 2 was to say to yourself that you love your vulva!!! Uh, okay. Now picture her hand making a circular motion because thats what she did (the doctor on the show, not Oprah). So ladies, we are to learn about and love our vulva. Make sure to tell that to yourself everyday. I LOVE MY VULVA!!!

Topic #2- Concrete hurts

I go running outside every weekday with Nala (only 1.5 miles) because I hate that there are hardly any sidewalks in this city and running in the road ditching cars sucks or nearly rolling your ankles running in the very unstable grassland areas. Anyway there is about half a mile that exists on my route with sidewalks and my equilibrium must have been off because I tripped and hurtled straight for the concrete. OUCH!! Please someone tell my niece I know how it feels when she gets her owies! I have an owie!!! My palms are scuffed up and bruised along with my hip. Last time I remember falling on the concrete I was like ten years old. No wonder kids cry. Adults always just think it doesn't hurt that bad. UH, WRONG!!!! That concrete stings. Oh and rinsing it off with water... that stings too!!! Don't think its water so it shouldn't hurt. So mothers when your child screams from you rinsing it off.... well STOP!!! It really does! I will take this instance straight to my motherhood and leave their dirty scrapes alone!!!!

Topic #3- Jeff is going to kill me for this one

So he will seriously kill me for telling this story but its too hilarious not to.. We were lying in bed, and I was turned on my side which generally means I'm about to fall asleep because I sleep on my side when Jeff all of a sudden in the dead silence says... "okay I'll make love to you". I just burst out laughing... What a way to ask for it...

Topic #4- Apparently, I'm not married...

Yeah this is my favorite. Yesterday my mom called me to tell me she just found our Marriage License which is supposed to be mailed within 30 days of the ceremony or its supposed to be void after that. Uh, we've been married for 7 weeks. I busted out laughing... Jeff and I both looked at each other and he was like, uh, we've been fornicating for the last 7 weeks! Crap! :) Everyone at my work couldn't believe it and whenever I said "my husband", they would correct me and say, you mean "Your Fiance". Ah, too funny. My mom is going to contact the courts so we'll see what happens... and no, I'm not returning any of the gifts. :)

The Stress Diet

So we were going through Jeff's things and I was trying to get rid of all of these unnecessary things that he owns and throw them away... :) when I came across this Stress Diet paper he has. It reads as of follows:

Stress Diet

BREAKFAST:

1/2 Grapefruit

1 slice whole wheat toast

8oz skim milk

LUNCH:

4oz lean broiled chicken breast

1 cup steamed zucchini

1 Oreo cookie

Herb tea

DINNER:

2 loaves garlic bread

1 large Pepporoni & Mushroom Pizza

1 large pitcher of beer (light beer- remember you are on a diet)

3 Milky Way candy bars

1 entire frozen cheesecake, eaten directly from the freezer

1 Diet Dessert of your choice

DIET TIPS

1. If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories

2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, they cancel each other out.

3. When eating with someone else, calories don't count if you both eat the same amount.

4. Foods, such as hot chocolate, brandy, or Sara Lee Cheesecake, which are consumed for medicinal purposes NEVER count for caloric purposes

5. If you fatten up everyone around you, then you will look thinner.

6. Movie related foods don't count because they are simply part of the entertainment experience and not part of one's personal fuel. These foods include Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, etc.

7. Food that you do not have to pay for, such as at a party or any other social function where food is served free, is really FREE. This means that it is free of everything including calories. Remember, free food has no calories.

8. Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breakage causes severe and very rapid caloric leakage.